You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
