his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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