dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
