I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
