I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
