No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
