the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
