Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
