Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
