I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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