I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
