The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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