You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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