Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
