I hate your face
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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