Please, let me fuck your mom
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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