is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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