No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
