This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
