We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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