I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
