If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
