Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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