If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
