Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
