Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
