I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
