Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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