Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
