He disabled his match.com account in front of me
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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