covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
