I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
50% drunk capacity currently
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
