Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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