Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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