I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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