I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
