I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
