he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
