I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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