In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
