About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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