hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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