Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
