he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
