PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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