that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
