Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
