I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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