I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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