My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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