I wannas sexs uuuuu
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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