Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
