At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
