I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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