Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
