pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
