i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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