i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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