i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
