So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
