You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
