kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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