cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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