I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
