the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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