yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
