I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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