areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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