I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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