You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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