How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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