I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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