He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
